Gift Gaff

One year my dad bought my mom a fishing reel for Mother's Day. She doesn't fish. And once Jay gave me juice boxes for my birthday. Not his best idea. But men are not the only ones who are gift-challenged. Our cat also lacked gift-giving skills.

In the beginning of our relationship, she brought us dead voles. She placed the first one gently on my pillow so that when I opened my eyes in the morning, its carcass was a few inches from my nose.

My reaction made it clear that I was not blessed by her gift. 

I found the second deceased vole outside of my bedroom door when my dad was visiting. I'd heard him walking past the room a few times that morning, so I asked, "Dad, why in the world would you leave a dead rodent in my doorway?"

He answered in surprise, "Oh, I thought that was a cat toy. I kicked it up and down the hall a few times trying to get the cat to chase it." 

Splendid.

Since I didn't play with (or eat) her deceased presents, our feline friend decided I preferred vibrantly healthy gifts. She cheerfully brought live moles, voles, mice, and lizards through the cat door and set them free to skitter throughout our house.

Delightful.

This mole pup was a bit startled to find himself on our foyer slate.

I didn't mind the moles and voles so much because they're slow and easy to catch. 

But deer mice have cheetah-like reflexes. One night, I chased one all over the house, frequently tripping on my full-length (and stretched-out) knit nightgown (it's like sleeping in a giant's t-shirt so I can't give it up). We were both spent and gasping when I finally cornered the deer mouse. 

In a dash of desperation, he darted up my long sleeve.

Inside my sleeve.

Inside my sleeve, to my shoulder, and down my back. 

I ran shrieking into the backyard, hoping he'd escape into the grass. My nightgown was baggy, so I never knew where he was until I felt the brush of his furry back tickling my skin as he climbed around the inside of the gown. Anyone out at 2 AM would have thought I was doing a dance homage to the moon as I hopped around, squealing and slapping at my body. 

On an unrelated note, does anyone want a free cat? 

Verse of the day: (I Peter 4:11a) "Do you have the gift of helping others? Do it with all the strength and energy that God supplies. Then everything you do will bring glory to God through Jesus Christ."   

To read about more unwelcome gifts from my pets, click here.
To read about the best gift to get a man, click here.