Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Cheater, Cheater, Pumpkin Eater

I feel so guilty. I have something to confess. 

I, yes, I have been doing a horrific thing.

Jay and I rarely watch live TV because we record shows on our Digital Video Recorder to watch together. And yet, there have been times when I've been stuck at home due to poor health while he's out teaching young Royal Rangers how to grow into men of honor and integrity (as well as how to light fires with flint and make a rope bridge), running errands, at a meeting, or (worse) at the fire station nobly risking his life for the general public...

and I (this is so hard)...

I've (sob)...

secretly (deep breath)...

watched an episode without him.

Okay! Okay! I admit it!

I've watched more than one episode without him.

Maybe even three.

Maybe even an entire season.

Or six.

A few times he almost caught me. He came home earlier than I expected and asked, "What are you doing?" I was vague, misleading, and distracted him with food. 

My refusal to answer his question should have told me that I was behaving badly.

But did it really hurt him if he didn't know? We never promised we wouldn't watch an episode without the other person. I was careful to say nothing about my foreknowledge of a pre-viewed show when we watched it together. I even helpfully pointed out a detail or two that would be important to the plot later on. Helping is good, right?

A couple of times I almost gave myself away by "guessing" the ending. He thinks I'm unusually clever, so why disappoint him? Doesn't every man long for a clever wife? Why tell him that instead he has a DVR cheating wife? That would just be cruel!

Yet, for all my justifications, I know it's wrong. 

I know I should stop.

I know should confess to Jay. 

I know I should make an appointment with our pastor for marriage counseling.

I know I should floss twice daily.

And I will.

Right after I finish watching the newest season of Sherlock on Masterpiece Mystery. 

Verse of the day: (Mark 4:22) "There is nothing hidden which will not be revealed, nor has anything been kept secret but that it should come to light." Okay! I'll tell him already!


  1. You are too funny! Maybe you should record some shows on the cooking channel that you can watch to help you resist your cheating!! ;-)

    1. It's a terrible temptation now. I even sometimes click on his sports shows out of an uncontrollable pre-viewing urge. And they're REALLY boring. One was about some boxing match from the 1970s. Sigh, well, admitting you have a problem is the first step. I've publicly admitted it, so I figure I have a lot of time before anyone expects me to take any steps towards stopping.

  2. OOOOOOOOOOOOOO my! All who have been reading these post thought you were such a "nice girl". Oh the shock! But, if he is that easily distracted with food may I suggest you better made an incredible meal before your confession of cheating! I am asking everyone who reads this post to pray for this poor mis-guided girl. You really were, used to be, in the past, such a nice person......what and when was your turning point? Protect your kids....don't let them read this post.....SHOCK just pure SHOCK.

    1. I am so ashamed. Although, people who have read my posted Firefighter Folly and Mare's Milk, Anyone? knows that I sometimes take a sharp veer off the "nice girl" track. But I also know this post is especially shocking. I'm so sorry to disappoint so many people (sob).

  3. It's amazing that people will admit to this in private messages to me, but they won't post comments here! Ha! Perhaps they're doing it but, like me before this post, aren't willing for their significant other to find out. I may charge them $5.47 to keep their secret now that I know...

    1. Because anyone willing to DVR cheat isn't above blackmail...

  4. I often watch DVR'd shows without Dave but we never made a promise to each other not to. And then I watch the show again with him, which I like to do, because I catch things the second time that I missed the first time. And, unlike certain unnamed pumpkin pie cheaters, I am able to restrain myself and not give away clues.

    1. Jay would be more upset if I cheated with pieces of pumpkin pie. He takes his pumpkin desserts seriously.