Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Male "Logic"

One time I asked a good friend from High School to explain the thought process behind something guys did. He informed me that male thinking was "only normal unto ourselves." 

At the time I accepted his assessment. However, after living with Jay for all these years, I'm a bit worried that he's starting to make sense to me.

One day I asked Jay why a pair of his socks were in the microwave.

He said, "My feet were cold the other morning so I put my socks in the microwave for a few seconds to warm them up."

"And why are they still in the microwave?"

"I put on another pair of socks while I was waiting for these. But then my feet warmed up, so I didn't need the socks in the microwave."

"And why are they still in the microwave?" I repeated.

"I just told you," he replied, patiently. "My feet were already warm."

I couldn't argue with that reasoning.


I asked Jay to open the curtains.

He said, "I did."

"Then why is the room still dark?"

He answered, tolerantly, "That's what happens when you open curtains, honey. And I opened them as far as they'll go." 

Apparently, to him, "Open the curtains" means to pull them together. Because then the curtain panel itself is open.

To the uninformed, this is an "open" curtain

That explanation managed to confuse me (not an easy feat). I even googled it to be sure I wasn't crazy. Sure enough, the phrase "open the curtains" means to expose the window.

ut I had to admit that there is a weird logic to the idea that the curtain itself should be spread out if one is told to "Open the curtains" rather than "Smush up the curtains to open the view."

Now I just say, "Would you please push the curtains apart?" to avoid confusion.  

In all our minds.


Speaking of curtains, Jay wanted to know if there was anything special I needed him to do while he was in the yard. I asked if he could drape some netting over our two blueberry bushes to keep the birds from eating the berries. I even wrote it on the To-Do list for him (he likes lists.).

Later, I went outside and the blueberry bushes were bare. The two rows of blackberry bushes, however, had netting hung between them on an old clothesline

I was on the phone with a girlfriend at the time, so I described what I saw. "I'm looking at the To-Do list and it clearly says to drape the netting. So even if he got the wrong berry bushes, why would he suspend the netting between them instead of draping them over the tops of the bushes? I'm sure he had a reason; I just can't figure out what it was."

"He did drape the netting," she answered, "He used the clothespins like curtain rings and hung it like a drape!"

Although it wasn't quite what I had in mind, I was compelled to admit that this literal execution of my request actually made sense.

Verse of the day: (Proverbs 24:3) "A house is built by wisdom and becomes strong through understanding." It would be easier to understand men if they came with a communication app.

Follow up: Jay claims he was merely stretching the netting and planned to put it on the blueberry bushes the next day. If he says so, then who am I to question it? I'm the woman who erroneously thinks an open drape allows for an unobstructed view!

For another story about male-female communication challenges, click here for She Said, He Heard.  

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Jay used to be a Moggy

So, I clicked on one of those silly Facebook things to find out what they thought I would have looked like 100 years ago. This was their estimation:

I can't say I could rock those eyebrows, but I do like a curly bob, red lipstick, and polka dot dresses.

I was a bit taken aback, however, that they turned Jay into a cat.

I expected something like this next to me in the photo:

Crookston County Firefighter
Photo credit: https://cabinetcardgallery.wordpress.com/category/policemen-and-firemen/
Until I pondered the notion for a bit. And considered the following points in defense of someone thinking that 100 years ago, Jay could have been a cat:

1. Jay will self-groom, but he prefers someone else to be responsible for the tidiness of his living quarters.

2. He gets annoyed when I make a fuss about his clothes, shoes, or anything else he considers trivial.

3. He has natural athleticism but won't overexert.

4. He can fall asleep just about anywhere and in any position.

5. He has more energy at night than in the morning. Sometimes I ask if he'll vacuum for me at 1 AM just to get him to wind down. (And he does--he's a sweet tom.)

6. He likes to take a nap if he had to get up early.

7. He won't discuss his moods but can get a bit offended if I don't notice when his mood has changed.

8. He brings me presents. And by "presents" I mean things he has hunted down that he wants that I have no interest in. E.g. "Honey, I bought you a weed trimmer!" Um, thanks? If I don't feign interest, he'll try to bag something better--like a tree trimmer.

9. He likes his head rubbed and back scratched.

10. He's skilled at climbing. Which is why he's on a ladder truck at the fire department.

11. He pretends he can't hear me when I call him.

12. He gets a glazed expression if I talk for too long. Sometimes he even wanders off when I'm in mid-sentence.

Yeah, a cat sounds about right.

Verse of the day:
(2 Corinthians 5:17) "Anyone who is in Christ is a new creation. Old things have passed away, all things have become new!"

To compare Jay with our old cat, click here or here for stories on how she "enriched" my life with her generous "gifts." 

 P.S. For those who don't know, a "moggy" is: a cat, especially one that does not have a pedigree. See, my blog is educational. You learned a new definition today. Now you can nap like a moggy and feel good about it.