Thursday, July 17, 2014

The Mysterious "Poke Lawn"

If you ever come to the South, expect to have conversations like this:

Waitress (in a strong Southern accent): Well, aren't y'all just cute as two pigs rollin' in the mud. Here yer menus. The special today is poke lawn with grits 'n greens. Here's sum biscuits, and I'll fetch yer sweet tay while y'all decide what to order.

Me (watching her leave): But I don't want sweet tea.

Jay: Too bad. Don't even ask for unsweetened tea in the South. You sound like a Yankee.

Me: A Yankee? I came here from the Southwest!

He: Doesn't matter. If you're not from the Deep South, you're a Yankee.

Me (sighing): Whatever. Hey, what's this poke lawn she mentioned? Is that some kind of a salad?

He (absently reviewing the menu): What? Poke lawn? I guess you could get it on a salad. Just ask.

Me (wallowing in a bite of buttery biscuit): Why would I want grass on a salad?

He: Chicken and dumplings look good. Wait, what are you talking about?

Me: The lawn. My parents grow special grass for their cats. Is that what it's like? Or is it like wheatgrass?

He: Is what like what?

Me (patiently): Is poke lawn some kind of nutritious grass that people eat in The South or what is it?

He: Grass?

Me: Is 'poke' a special kind of grass that makes up the poke lawn?

He (laughing): Not 'poke lawn.' She said pork loin.

Verse of the day: (Ephesians 4:29) Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." Note to our sweet waitress: changing "pork loin" to "poke lawn" is neither helpful nor encouraging. But I'll forgive you because of those crazy-good biscuits.

To read about the time I was inexplicably offered Bald Peanuts, click here.


  1. Just experiences this when I visited my cousin in TN. We went to eat and the waitress asked me if we wanted TIAE? I was like what the heck is TIAE? my cousin said it was tea. Then I went shopping with her and we bought some things for her kitties. The check out lady said, " Oh MAH, Yous got yous some spoiuld kietties"

    1. Did you read the Bald Peanuts story linked on the last line? I was baffled because I'd always been under the impression that peanuts came without hair. Living here is an education, fo' sho'!