I Don't Know Beans

I love my husband. I really do. But although they try, it's simply a fact that men don't know how to communicate. They throw out curious fragments of thought without the essential facts or context necessary for understanding. For example, Jay recently ended a story with, "It's not worth a hill of beans." And then left the room!

I, of course, called him back.

Me (gently, knowing that most men struggle to express themselves): Honey, without more detail I simply have no idea what you're talking about.

He: About what?

Me: Beans.

He (long pause): Huh?

Me (patiently): You just said, 'It's not worth a hill of beans.'

He: Yeah. And?

Me: And? Where do I start: Are you referring to a pile of beans or a hill with beans growing on it?

He: What?

Me (logically): There's no possible way for me to know the market value of the beans without knowing what kind they are: green beans, pinto beans, black beans, lima beans, or what? And their worth increases dramatically if they've been organically grown.

He (muttering--to his shoes, apparently): I have to stop using cliches around her.

Me: And what size is the hill? The size of a molehill? Or an anthill? Or 1,999 feet high?

He: As opposed to 2,000 feet high?

Me (impatiently): Of course, darling, because that would make it a mountain.

He (snickering): You would know that.

Me (earnestly): If it's worth a 1,999 foot high hill of Kopi Luwak coffee beans then it would have great value. But if it's worth an anthill of navy beans, then that's less than a dollar.

He (shaking his head): You're lucky you're cute as a button.

Me (even more confused): A button? You're comparing me to a button? What does that mean?

He: I said cute.

The extent of my cuteness, apparently

 Me (cocking my head): Yeah, honey, I still don't get it. I've never heard someone say, 'Wow, that's a cute button. It looks just like my wife.' What does it mean? That I'm round but useful? Cute enough to hold your pants up, but you'd still cover me with a belt?

Communicating with the man is nearly impossible.

Verse of the day: "The heart of the godly thinks carefully before speaking" (Proverbs 15:28). Jay might want to try that.


For another story about our communication challenges, click here.